She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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