3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I puked a lego.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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