the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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