Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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