i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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