I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
