Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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