is your mom at the bar?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
