im six kinds of drunk right now
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
