in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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