Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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