I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
