No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
