Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
