So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
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