this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
