member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dignity is for republicans.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
