The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
