I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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