i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
