They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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