'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
