so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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