I want to walk on stilts...naked
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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