You just made me feel so damn special
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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