She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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