Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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