guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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