So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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