so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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