there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
