Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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