it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
