I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
