No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
