a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
this beer tastes like vomit already
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
