your thong is hanging out like whoa
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
