Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Porn is love you can see.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
