she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
