Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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