That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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