school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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