yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
