wrigley field is MILF paradise
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize