I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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