so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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