You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
