Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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