Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
