speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
