shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
