I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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