the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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