What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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