Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
