my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
