i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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