I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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