what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
