You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
