i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
