just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
