He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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