Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
