dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
