every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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