Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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