i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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