I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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