Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize