Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
