Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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