I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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