2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
