hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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