Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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