her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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