Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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