Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
