in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
